Last night, I went to bed with deep sadness. I had the feeling of losing yet I hadn’t lost anything nor anyone. Tears swept my sheets until I finally drifted off to sleep.
This morning, I arose happy and with no memory of the night before. I was delighted to see the day; bright and optimistic like I am on most days. Yet, within an hour of my rising, my chest began to hurt (on my left side). Convinced that the pain was caused by too much caffeine, I decided that I would fast and flush my system with water and then all would be okay. However, as time passed the pain grew more intense and I was forced to stop all that I was doing and sit quietly to meditate on what was causing the pain.
Within my silence I heard the Mantra: Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung.
RA MA DA SA, SA SAY SO HUNG
Ra = sun energy
Ma = moon energy
Da = earth energy
Sa = infinity, universal energy
Say = the personal embodiment of Sa
So = the personal sense of merger with Sa
Hung = the Infinite, vibrating and real
This mantra literally means: “I am Thou.” It is a healing Mantra.
I recited and breathed the meaning into my chest and instantly I remembered my night of sadness and gained clarity of why I was in pain. I was experiencing a heart-ache (literally). It all became clear.
For days, my energy levels have been all over the place. I’ve been imbalanced and sort of fragmented; a bunch of Highs and Lows. But, even more interesting is that I’ve had an overwhelming amount of Sexual energy; which the fact that I am acknowledging it means that it has to be pretty powerful. Those who know me are aware that I embrace all parts of my Spectacular-ness..and I am very unhidden about the private aspects of my life. But, when I have a job to do, I am very serious about working and specifically if it’s work on (ME) Sex is out of the question. Currently, I am consciously celibate and have been for a long, long, long (can I add another one?) Long time..lol. So, I’m somewhat used to combating my frisky phases. But, this was different and needed further self-examination.
In the past couple of weeks, I have been in a creative stage in my life and in a prosperity crunch. I’m working to get all that I am destined to do (at this point) accomplished. Finish my manuscript, Publish a book, and début my art at my first gallery showing next month.
Needless to say, this is a very stressful time for me. Anyone who has experienced the “Rush and Push of life” can sympathize with the anxiety, self-doubt, and exhaustion that comes along with it. It’s a strong frustration, kind of like unreleased Sexual Energy..(light-bulb moment). My strong sexual desire is me wanting to see and feel the results of my work. I desperately long to be comforted and strengthened to push harder and further (no pun intended..lol. well maybe a little).
Unexpectedly, my frustration turned into sadness. Sadness for feeling as if I hadn’t been soothed or relaxed. I haven’t been given the satisfaction that “Everything is going to be alright”. I felt empty and uncertain. I felt lonely and unloved. Heartbroken.
The pain in my chest; at my heart, was a physical result of me internalizing my feelings of ambivalence and the need to be accepted.
In stillness I found my true self. Once, I prayed and chanted..I knew.
RA MA DA SA, SA SAY SO HUNG.
“I am thou.” I am unique and the only one of (Me). I am beautiful and perfect. There is a place for me in the universe and it is wherever I sit. I AM Destined! I need not worry. I need not crave attention and answers for what I already know. I am wanted and accepted. I am touched by all the love that I have given to the Universe because It comes back to me. I am never alone because God is in me. I need not suffer nor cause my suffering because I am a healer of pain not the creator of pain.
RA MA DA SA, SA SAY SO HUNG
“I am Thou”. My pain suddenly vanished and my undies don’t feel so tight…lol. Now, let’s get back to work!