Where’s my Cape?

Image Credit: Hancock film
Image Credit: Unknown

Image Credit: Unknown

There is no one coming to save you. Salvation is internal.

If you are looking for something magical to swoop down from the heavens, with wild, wide wings and save you from whatever ails you…it’s not happening. If you are searching for someone to heal all your hurt and to pick you up from all of your failures… it’s just not happening.

The only Superhero is YOU. You have the Almighty power to save yourself. You have the supernatural strength to lift your own self up and heal…and if there is any outside force that is coming to “Save” you, IT can’t come in…if YOU don’t let it.

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while you sleep

please stay

 

You wrap me up.

Heavy breath behind me, hot and simmering around my forehead, bellowing into my face

Your yellow arms cuff me… keeping me safe.

Through glossy eyes..I  gaze at the red curls of hair along your skin. Pink nails on thick, long, fingers… Sturdy veins protruding up to your shoulder.

Held tight, nestled in your elbow, I feel the warmth in your chest, the closeness of your bones.

Hollowed and Curved, your body bends to shelter me.

Your knees slightly raised…to lift me.

In your sleep your chin leans..allowing you to kiss me. You huff while gently tugging me closer. I raise to kiss the inside of your shoulder, then fall deeper into you.

Through glossy dim eyes..I peer. I feel. I hope. I dream. I pray.

I pray that your arms will always hold me.

I pray that your chest will always support me.

I pray that your ears will always hear me.

….That your eyes will always see me..

I pray that your lips will always smile for me.

I pray that your voice will always speak for me.

I pray that your fingers will always touch me.

….That your feet will always stand for me..

Through glossy dim, wet eyes…

I pray that your heart will always ache for me and that your soul will always long for me

I pray that your mind will always think of me and that your dreams will always be filled of me

Through glossy, dim, wet, red eyes…

I pray that your love will be so strong for me that (this time) it will be impossible for me to leave.

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Ra Ma Da Sa, “I Am Thou”

Image Credit: Stephanie Smith

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Last night, I went to bed with deep sadness. I had the feeling of losing yet I hadn’t lost anything nor anyone. Tears swept my sheets until I finally drifted off to sleep.

This morning, I arose happy and with no memory of the night before.  I was delighted to see the day; bright and optimistic like I am on most days. Yet, within an hour of my rising, my chest began to hurt (on my left side). Convinced that the pain was caused by too much caffeine, I decided that I would fast and flush my system with water and then all would be okay. However, as time passed the pain grew more intense and I was forced to stop all that I was doing and sit quietly to meditate on what was causing the pain.

Within my silence I heard the Mantra: Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung.

RA MA DA SA, SA SAY SO HUNG

Ra = sun energy
Ma = moon energy
Da = earth energy
Sa = infinity, universal energy
Sa (repeated)
Say = the personal embodiment of Sa
So = the personal sense of merger with Sa
Hung = the Infinite, vibrating and real

This mantra literally means: “I am Thou.” It is a healing Mantra.

I recited and breathed the meaning into my chest and instantly I remembered my night of sadness and gained clarity of why I was in pain. I was experiencing a heart-ache (literally). It all became clear.

For days, my energy levels have been all over the place.  I’ve been imbalanced and sort of fragmented; a bunch of Highs and Lows. But, even more interesting is that I’ve had an overwhelming amount of Sexual energy; which the fact that I am acknowledging it means that it has to be pretty powerful.  Those who know me are aware that I embrace all parts of my Spectacular-ness..and I am very unhidden about the private aspects of my life.  But, when I have a job to do, I am very serious about working and specifically if it’s work on  (ME) Sex is out of the question. Currently, I am consciously celibate and have been for a long, long, long (can I add another one?) Long time..lol. So, I’m somewhat used to combating my frisky phases. But, this was different and needed further self-examination.

In the past couple of weeks, I have been in a creative stage in my life and in a prosperity crunch. I’m working to get all that I am destined to do (at this point) accomplished. Finish my manuscript, Publish a book, and début my art at my first gallery showing next month.

Needless to say, this is a very stressful time for me. Anyone who has experienced the “Rush and Push of life” can sympathize with the anxiety, self-doubt, and exhaustion that comes along with it. It’s a strong frustration, kind of like unreleased Sexual Energy..(light-bulb moment). My strong sexual desire is me wanting to see and feel the results of my work. I desperately long to be comforted and strengthened to push harder and further (no pun intended..lol. well maybe a little).

Unexpectedly, my frustration turned into sadness. Sadness for feeling as if I hadn’t been soothed or relaxed. I haven’t been given the satisfaction that “Everything is going to be alright”. I felt empty and uncertain. I felt lonely and unloved. Heartbroken.

The pain in my chest; at my heart, was a physical result of me internalizing my feelings of ambivalence and the need to be accepted.

In stillness I found my true self. Once, I prayed and chanted..I knew.

RA MA DA SA, SA SAY SO HUNG.

“I am thou.” I am unique and the only one of (Me). I am beautiful and perfect. There is a place for me in the universe and it is wherever I sit. I AM Destined! I need not worry. I need not crave attention and answers for what I already know. I am wanted and accepted. I am touched by all the love that I have given to the Universe because It comes back to me. I am never alone because God is in me. I need not suffer nor cause my suffering because I am a healer of pain not the creator of pain.

RA MA DA SA, SA SAY SO HUNG

“I am Thou”. My pain suddenly vanished and my undies don’t feel so tight…lol. Now, let’s get back to work!

 

 

 

 

 

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Foe or Friend?

Friend or Foe
Image credit: Logo Snapback

Image credit: Logo Snapback

STOP being your own worst Foe! “Stop it!”

When your life is going good..let it!

Most times we ask God, Creator, the Universe, or (Whatever you want to call it) for things that we want. Sometimes we ask Unconsciously, sometimes Consciously. Always, God say’s “YES”.  So when we are given exactly what we have asked for..why do we doubt it?  Why do we question it to see if it is exactly what we already know it is?

Stop testing the water when YOU set the temperature!  It just doesn’t make sense.

Some of us cause so much havoc in our own lives that it’s more damage than our worst foe could do to us. We create it than pretend that we don’t know how our lives got so bad. Life is not meant to be hard.

Breathing is effortless.

Be easy..and keep it that way. Be a friend and Champion to your life. Love all that you have added to it and if something isn’t right…make it better.

Forward Forever, Backwards Never!

 

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The Lie

"Lie To Me"

 

"Lie To Me"

Image Credit: Ian Leino

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please…just let me be tonight..

Whatever my offense..hold me fault tomorrow .  I need my rest tonight.  Please
Consciousness shakes my sleep. Truth slaps my cheek..yet at your forehead I lay close.

Face to face…

we got lost

in the fallacy of who we wanted to be..

never to face the reality of who we truly were.

Time caught  us

Time tripped us

we slipped.. we forgot…

Not able to distinguish The Lie from The TRUTH

until The Truth found us.

(your truth first)

You call… I answer…The Truth. Cowardly available.

It Never mattered who you were..(I never cared)…I was content on the lie..as long as I never had to confess it.

These wicked escapades…
I trifle..I bore..I explode
I like… (I think)

Tangible and Colorful. Spontaneous and Adventurous.

But…somehow the sweet just isn’t sweet enough.  Your medicine doesn’t fix…and The Lie can no longer hold me.

 

 

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The “Source”

The African Childrens Choir

The African Children's Choir

Isn’t it something..how God puts you smack dab in the middle of possibilities that you never knew existed?

Isn’t it awesome how… when your tuned-in to the Universe and listening to what (Spirit) wants you to do..that your able to accomplish Remarkable; somewhat Magical things?

It’s almost like the Sunday Sermons that we’ve all heard; when the Preacher says “Now..that I know God, I don’t do what I used too..I don’t go to places that I used to go..” But..it’s much BIGGER than that..

….It’s NOW that I am connected with God, I do things that I didn’t know I was capable of doing.  I know things that I didn’t know that I knew. Now, that I am connected with God..I am fully aware that God is the Source of  ALL that I am….So I (do) exactly what I’m supposed to.

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~Mantra’s Story~ Making My Way Clear

Her-Story Badge

I Survived (Domestic Abuse!) Her-Story Challenged!

 

 

I sit.. eyes still sleepy..lashes fluttering, but..Awake

Just awakening from about a 15 year gray haze…
Blurry shadowy figures, dim lights and distant screams
Cursed whispers lie in the corners o f my eyes
Sore hands wiped down my face
Blistered feet resting on hardwood floor
achy bottom sitting on the edge of the bed

I call upon the unconscious strength of yesteryear..(the ones that sat where I sit),
with knees buckling and shaking thighs
with tender back I stand.

I wiggle and sway,
…the heels of my feet whine and my toes protest…But, I stand

Stumbling through the darkness,
Knocking over cords and shoes
Like the first steps of a baby; clumsily falling toward the window

and I REACH

Reaching for the long thin string and…I PULL..
Raising the shades and bringing sight

AWAKE
Eyes wide open..

I let in the light.
The light that hid and let the flowers die
the light that only flickered in my dreams
the light that hid deep in the darkness..

When I let in the light…

I saw humming birds and butterflies
I saw waterfalls and daisies, lit oceans,
happy faces, and candy eyed children..

but best of all with 20/20 vision I saw myself, glistening , glowing, shining, and smiling.

I MADE IT!
I MADE IT!

I made it over mountains and hills

I made it over bruises and breaks
I made it over back-hand slaps and kicks..
over bloody sheets and name calling
over dark fallen locks of hair and scraped scalp..

over hidden secrets and hushed cries…

I MADE IT!

I made it through the “You can’t do this!, You won’t do that! and If you do I’ll kill you!”
I made it through “You ain’t nothing but a woman, You ain’t nothing but a girl, a bitch, a slut and a whore!”

I made it though the suicidal thoughts, the never’s and the have-nots and “God created you for one thing only, to please men..Look at ya, you ain’t good for nothing else. Who in the hell do you think you are? You’re a woman..that’s all.”

But..when the sunlight hit my eyes, for the first time I saw all the abuse,
I felt all the abandonment
I felt all the shame
I felt all the ugliness, the hopelessness and the fear, the sadness and sickness

I saw the reality of my “Lifetime” plays, my Humorous Skits, my War Movies..
I saw it all

When I let the sunshine in, I saw the ability in all of my aspirations
I saw the finish product in the resting in the palm of my hand
I saw completion

I saw ME! A Mother, A Woman, A True Advocate for myself, A Revolutionist for Change
I saw a Determined Woman who NEVER gave up.

When I let the sunshine in, I saw myself in all its splendor; blessed with all of God’s Glory..
Beautifully hued and perfect. Strong and Courageous!

No More..No More..No More!

No more Hurt, No more Pain
No more Abuse
No more Battered Woman
No more Fear
No more Running from myself

No more and never again will I be a “victim”
No more and never again will someone else take what’s mine!
No more and never again will I cry in the face of laughter
No more and never again will anyone hit me, touch me, hurt me, scare me, and get away with it

No more sleeping
No more suffering
No more dis-ease
No more make-up and mask

(hush)…It’s all over now. (hush) It’s all over now..
It’s all over now

The hiding..(it’s all over)
The closed mouth and tight lip..
The clogged ears and numbness..
The silence and the unnatural responses..(it’s all over, now)

Degradation, Spiritual rape, fake smiles, depression, feelings of inferiority, muffled screams..
(It’s all over)

No more doubts and delusions
No more false hopes and lies

All the tragedy..it’s gone.

I have learned and grown. I have experienced all of what I must. I am in control..

Head held High..Bright and illuminated..glowing and gleaming.
With fist clutched and firm stance..Upright and fearless..I SHOUT..NO MORE! NO MORE!
Facing my enemy and all evils..NO MORE! NO MORE! and NEVER AGAIN!

It’s ALL OVER.

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Losing Faith?

colin_finlay_starving_child_darfur_photo

Sometimes we lose faith. We feel that we’ve been battling for too long. We wonder when “Our” time is going to come…when the suffering is going to end. We debate with God and ourselves, stressing all of “Our” good points and how we are so deserving of change for the better. “Why don’t I have…? Why haven’t I been blessed? Why am I struggling from week to week and living paycheck to paycheck? Why is THIS happening to ME?”

TRUTH: It happens because YOU keep thinking it’s about YOU! It’s not. WE are apart of the collective. If you don’t eat it’s because someone somewhere isn’t eating. If you don’t have…it’s because someone somewhere doesn’t have. Have you ever thought about that Maybe just Maybe God is teaching you compassion and humility? How can you understand someone who is starving if you’ve never gone hungry?

Don’t lose faith..just get to know it.

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Out My Mind- Porch Lady Talk and a Revolver

Secret Bible--revolver by Shinobi aka seba

Secret Bible–revolver by Shinobi aka seba

 

Let it go. Let it go..Let me go.

Something got a hold.  Gripped tight. Tethered. Tied and wrapped.

Wound and bound.Thick wire looped around a large spindle.

Spun and Spiraled… Got me Circled

Mashed and grounded into powder and sprinkled on others chosen paths..rubbed out fresh and flat. Then blown apart.

Dazed and dizzy..LOST.   Fragmented and disconnected. Jumbled

Heavy Headed.

Spent and bought.

Sold and Resold to the cheapest bidder. Shiny hat and shiny shoes. Cheap metal and faded gold.

Exchanged and bartered. A bargain.  Hustled OUT MY MIND..

 

(Pointing in their direction)……

Dem Porch Ladies say, she came home from church..and must’ve caught the Spirit.

Dey’ say… when she walked in her house..they heard hollering and shouting.  A choir of Loud Revolution. Dey’ say the walls was singing sumpin’ fierce!

Then dey’ say…7 horsemen came a running and she came a flying.

Flapping and flat footed..BARE! Right out her house!  She was leaping and hopping off the ground.

Dey’ say, she even levitated! Say she lifted so high, that Ol’ Man Perry tried to rope her down..but he couldn’t.       (I ain’t lying..dat’s what dey say)

Dem’ porch ladies say …Dat girl was so hot and feverish that she was turned beet burnt red. And..dey say, she was dripping wet like somebody had dipped her in the river. Water and sweat was just pouring right off of her.

The Porch Ladies say, she caught the Holy Ghost!

She was speaking in tongues and scripture-fying. Quoting em’ like she wrote the book.

Leviticus 20:10    Leviticus 20:25     Luke 11:40

Mat 23:17    “Is it the Gold or the Temple that makes it?” she shouted. “Who am I?  I’m the Temple..ain’t I?”

Jeremiah 48:10  “I do the Lords Work!!! I do the Lords Work!”

Exodus 35:2..“God said it!!! God said it!!!” 

(Proclaiming)  “Deeze ain’t my words..Deeze Gods!”

Dey say, she started singing about how she been changed.. Dat finally, she been saved. She say she was healed by the blood.

Then dey’ say..she started shouting!  She was shaking and moving real fast. At one time, she even threw down her bible and started church dancing on it.

She threw up, not long after that!  Yep.  That’s what Ms. Mattie say.  (Nodding) She got sick sumptin’ real bad.

Say she got silent all a sudden.. then everything turned dark like a storm was coming. She vomited all over the porch steps then fell slain in the spirit. Down still..she lay.

But, The Horseman didn’t go up there (pointing to the porch) until they was sure she wasn’t getting up.

Once they got up there, they rolled her over..and dat’s when they saw the revolver.

Dat man over der’ (pointing) him in dat gray shirt…He say the walls is covered in blood. I seen em’ bringing bags out all day.

Mama say..the Coroner told her dat’ he ain’t neva seen nothing like dis’ in his 25 years of working and picking up bodies!

Bout time the Pastor and all dem’ church folk showed up..she was already gone. But dey’ say, dey’ keeping vigil for the rest of the week.

So, there they are (pointing across the street). Dey’ been out there… slow-singing and bringing flowers all day.

….”Umph.Umph. Umph.”  (Heads shake)

 

 

 

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We Rise In Greatness (Tribute to Mothers)

Harvard Health Rights for Women
Harvard Health Rights for Women

Women and Children Image Credit by Alicia Yamen

WE RISE IN GREATNESS

We gather around the world to celebrate the genius of who we are and from all the greatness that we have come.

We celebrate OUR Mothers

We celebrate OUR Mothers

OUR Mothers kisses, OUR Mothers strong holds, OUR Mothers guidance. OUR Mother’s pain; her love and life, her accomplishments and defeats, We celebrate the good and bad, because without the bad
we could not know Good.

We Celebrate

We celebrate OUR Womanly hips, OUR Urban Curves, OUR Political Expressiveness OUR Sassy Humor, OUR Anthem, OUR Thick Thigh Dance, OUR Polished Nails, OUR Fancy Shoes, OUR Loose Lips, OUR Ambition, OUR Goals, OUR Dreams, OUR Thoughts.

For generations and lifetimes, Women have been kept hidden, closed mouthed, buried within themselves. Shamed for being “Who they were, are, and should be” … With our Sexuality, Our Felinity, Femininity, Our Gospel, Our beliefs, Our Strength, Our VOICE… We are GREAT!

GREAT! Gloriously Beautiful, The SIMPLICITY

The simplicity of “Who we are and What we do… is Marvelous -Just sit and Marvel at US…

LOOK AT US! LOOK around, Look at the Beauty.

The dimples, the age spots, the rolls, the wrinkles, the smile, the tender creases at the slants of our eyes, the placement of hands, the cross of ankles, the folds of arms, the straight of back, the bony legs and open nose. Our Breast, Our Wombs;
There is no denying WE are Great

When we “Rise Within… we show forth Without”

When we rise Within We Rise in achievement!

We Rise because of our daughters, our sisters, our mothers. With ever centimeter of a sisters foot, on firm ground, with every placement of strong foot, on shaky ground, Every step forward, We – WE WOMEN-Rise in Greatness”

In the genus of Who we are, In the twinkle of our daughters eye, In the glow of our Mother’s cheek, the sweetness of our grandmothers touch. In the laughter of our girl talk, In the flight of our dance, the hue of our love, the wake of our dreams…

We rise in Greatness.

So rise you Architect! Rise you Doctor! Rise You Teacher, Rise You Prophet, Rise You Singer! Rise you Dancer! Rise you Physicist! (Chemist) You Horticulturalist, You Politician, You Midwives, You Healers and Fix-it All’ers..

Women Rise in the greatest accomplishment of the world: A MOTHER

“Happy Mother’s Day” to my favorite Mothers and especially to my MOMMY.

 

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Times Like These

SHAOLIN MONK

Times like these…I’m quiet.  I’m silent. I’m blank.

I’m invisible. I’m hidden.  I’m a recluse.

I’m small. I’m speechless. I’m mute.

I’m still. I’m motionless.. I’m a shell.

I’m hard. I’m cold. I’m frozen.

At times like these.

I have to be still..

I have no choice but to be lifeless… (outside)

Because

at Times like these..

I’m noisy.  I’m loud. I’m deafening.

I’m angry. I’m agitated. I’m disturbed.

I’m boiling. I’m blistering. I’m blazing.

I’m spinning. I’m running. I’m swinging.

I’m kicking. I’m screaming. I’m punching.

I’m fighting. I’m cussing and crying…(inside)

I’m screeching and shrilling..so much so, that if I were to just whisper..the walls would crumble

 

 

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My soul is tired.

slave then

Make a fist and stand up for your rights

I’m tired.

My soul is tired! Tired of politicizing. Tired of Fighting injustice. Tired of standing up for those who can’t stand for themselves. Tired of writing, tired of marching, tired of requesting, tired of begging, tired of forcing, tired of 36 hr. days…

I’m tired of being able to see! I’m tired of being able to hear!

I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of bags under my eyes. I’m tired of not having time…for ME.

My soul is so tired.

My soul is SO tired…

But….I’m never too tired to quit.

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