Just a blow behind my left ear. Just a silent whisper is all I need. My belly rises and falls and twists of us. Long before we became “US”.
I remember being four, and seeing you at the bottom stairwell, a chill never forgotten.
At night you would pace and pant outside of my window. I listened and heard. Ignored and hid.
As a child, I read you in the comic books, I fingered your thigh and played hand clap games with you. In Jet Magazine, I kissed your toe. Your multifaceted face paved my school books.
At church, I helped finish your sermons. And, “I” wrote the music to all the hymns.
To hold me, and to graze my shoulder is all I would ask, but you never did.
I jogged pass you the other day, and took your water; it tasted sweet (as always).
I noticed the new flowers that you planted in the backyard, I wrote a note to you on how beautiful they were, “I placed it on top of the T.V.” I know you saw it.
A new mole appeared, right above my right breast, I looked for you, to question your face, Solemn you appeared, with no response.
“Do you see this?” I whispered.. You shrugged, and walked away.
I slept an hour too late all week long, you never woke me, you just sat heavy at the foot of my bed. When, I finally arose you left and stood in the living room front corner (As Always). Just standing, and watching, everyday.
You linger and hover around me, You ride in the backseat and wait in the kitchen.
Just… Just… Touch me. I think I can take it.
You stand over me as I bathe. Just… Just..Touch me. I can take it.
You followed me to the hospital today; riding my heels. I suddenly stopped, you stopped too. I stretched my hand to you.. “I really need you today.” I whispered. “Just hold my hand, please. Please!..” I pleaded. You never responded. You just waited and watched the creases in my face. The quiver of my lip brought you no sympathy.
I turned away from you and straightened my back and tried to walk away from you as fast as I could. Of course, I knew that you would never grow tired of surrounding me. Still, I just wanted to get away from you. My hurt didn’t bother you, my discontent and pain (you cared not).
You watch me now. Sitting on my desk, dangling and kicking your feet. I reach for your ankle, you dodge me and just keep on paddling. Almost whimsical. You watch me breathe, and sit and breathe again. Not an utterance, not a “humph” or even a bump.
I’ll just ignore you.. I’ll act as if your not here. I can’t help but to look your way, because I know that your staring at me, watching and waiting.
“Humph” I say. What’s the point. I guess this is just “US”.
I look at you, (longing) “Will you at least just blow on me?”