Rabbit Hole

rabbit-hole

I choose to escape from reality today..

I choose to slide head first into the creases of space and time.

I’m choosing to hide behind the corners of the madness..the secret, hidden, invisible corridors, rabbit holes, and tunnels to the center of the earth.

I choose to escape from reality today…

I’m leaving this place..this Hell..

and the idiocy of a dimwit society

the time and placement of  (times) cruel hoax

a life not destined for trivial mediocrity…

but meaningful relations and joyful incursions

I choose to escape from reality

to flee to my own Nirvana…

away from chaotic displays..superficial ego, jealous rants, tyrants and suit dusters.. wicked hand shakes and half closed eye (I don’t want)

Slick fellows and Self absorbed felines.  A black kiss and a dying rose.. (I don’t want)

Poison juices and Rotten fruit (I don’t want)

I’m leaving today..to a place between reality and the fantasy that I know will never exist.

 

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The Buffoon, The Jester..The Charlatan

"The Buffoon"   Image Credit: Bruce Nourman

"The Buffoon" Image Credit: Bruce Nourman

Not even a cast iron spittoon to piss in. No mangled doormat to wipe your filthy boot..

No mutt to befriend you..

No mere worth from any self-proclaimed utterance; dare run free from your lips..

Your infantile ignorance makes you blatantly stupid.

No quest for leather back books that mask sheep skinned pages.. No eye for greatness or dreams of wonder.

No hope for the future or prosperous endeavors.

Content to be dumb and stupid.

You jump in mid-air and click your heels in your forestry made outfit, pointy toe glassy shoes, slicked hair and dunce hat.

A swindler you are. So, disgraced you must steal all that you use.

Your dejected and deplorable.

You are nothing..You have nothing..you speak nothing..

………Yet, the disgrace that pimples your skin..causes hot bubbles to leave boils on my breast.

My eyes dim and squint scarlet. Hatred lines my forehead. Disgust creases my mouth

I truly loathe you.. I ache from the stench of you..

I shake at the site of you..

Me and my agony..wrestle with the irony of how someone so shitty, unpleasant, unappealing, stupid, and simply worthless can cause unearthly devastation to erupt within me..

Hateful quakes…evil thoughts..atrocious deeds,…and unthinkable nightmares..

How can this loser upset me so?

How can this despicable human-being be so powerful?

This Buffoon makes me wish to die, just to not be near him.. I wish to not exist. But, the fear of my spirit being eternally trapped to him forces me to seek resolution.

But, what shall be the result?
Extinguish him or seek help to deal with him?

Because, he ills me so, I can’t get rid of him.

It’s worse then the filthiest crack pipe.
The tracks on my arm, bleed every time he’s away for too long.

I’m sick when he’s close to me, but It’s debilitating when he’s gone.

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Blow on Me

blessing

Just a blow behind my left ear. Just a silent whisper is all I need. My belly rises and falls and twists of us. Long before we became “US”.

I remember being four, and seeing you at the bottom stairwell, a chill never forgotten.

At night you would pace and pant outside of my window. I listened and heard. Ignored and hid.

As a child, I read you in the comic books, I fingered your thigh and played hand clap games with you. In Jet Magazine, I kissed your toe. Your multifaceted face paved my school books.

At church, I helped finish your sermons. And, “I” wrote the music to all the hymns.

To hold me, and to graze my shoulder is all I would ask, but you never did.

I jogged pass you the other day, and took your water; it tasted sweet (as always).

I noticed the new flowers that you planted in the backyard, I wrote a note to you on how beautiful they were, “I placed it on top of the T.V.” I know you saw it.

A new mole appeared, right above my right breast, I looked for you, to question your face, Solemn you appeared, with no response.

“Do you see this?” I whispered.. You shrugged, and walked away.

I slept an hour too late all week long, you never woke me, you just sat heavy at the foot of my bed. When, I finally arose you left and stood in the living room front corner (As Always). Just standing, and watching, everyday.

You linger and hover around me, You ride in the backseat and wait in the kitchen.

Just… Just… Touch me. I think I can take it.

You stand over me as I bathe. Just… Just..Touch me. I can take it.

You followed me to the hospital today; riding my heels. I suddenly stopped, you stopped too. I stretched my hand to you.. “I really need you today.” I whispered. “Just hold my hand, please. Please!..” I pleaded. You never responded. You just waited and watched the creases in my face. The quiver of my lip brought you no sympathy.

I turned away from you and straightened my back and tried to walk away from you as fast as I could. Of course, I knew that you would never grow tired of surrounding me. Still, I just wanted to get away from you. My hurt didn’t bother you, my discontent and pain (you cared not).

You watch me now. Sitting on my desk, dangling and kicking your feet. I reach for your ankle, you dodge me and just keep on paddling. Almost whimsical. You watch me breathe, and sit and breathe again. Not an utterance, not a “humph” or even a bump.

I’ll just ignore you.. I’ll act as if your not here. I can’t help but to look your way, because I know that your staring at me, watching and waiting.

“Humph” I say. What’s the point. I guess this is just “US”.

I look at you, (longing) “Will you at least just blow on me?”

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