Karma

love hate

Rumble?! Just what is that? It’s my jargon’s, my mess, my silly thoughts, my humanness (if that’s a word). And today-it’s my face reality, grow up, move on, deal with it, pep talk (for me).

It’s seems almost insane that I wouldn’t go “insane” after this last break up. I don’t want to blast, but why should I not? Are not these MY rumbles?!

Everything in my being, tells me that what happened was meant to happen. Everything in my being soothes me and tells me that “everything” is going to be alright. I will move on. I will love again. I will trust and want someone again. There is something that has been whispering in my ear..”Karma..honey. Karma.. will deal with “it” .

But, then there is this FORCE! This force inside of me that say’s “F” Karma unless it’s “your” name. Something inside of me is so enraged and pissed. There is something like a drifting thread; spinning within my veins, that SCREAMS “F” Karma. “He” wasn’t thinking about Karma when he did what he did. “She” wasn’t thinking about Karma when she-did what she did. So. I am left to ponder. AM I KARMA? Can I be KARMA? Am I the one that can “Get” them back? Should I turn the tables? Should I seek revenge? Is it possible that I could hurt him, the way that he has hurt me? Is it possible that evil could linger in my body just as it churns in him?

AM I THE MIGHTY, POWERFUL WIND CALLED KARMA?

As I write this, and my fingers anxiously pace back and forth. I realize that NO, I could not hurt him the way he has hurt me. NO. I could not do evil because I couldn’t recognize it within him, because I had none in me. Even though my heart races and my pulse burns, at the thought of the pain he has caused me, even though, I have felt such intense anger that I thought I was losing my mind and would be subjected to medication if my thoughts were ever made public, I have felt anger like I never knew that “I” could be possible of. Even through all of it, I know that The evil that “HE” carries is distinctively his. He owns it and it’s most likely best that I stay as far away from “It” as possible so that it won’t.. bleed on me.

Yes! I believe in KARMA and right now she is telling me to “Run, Run, as fast as you can; into the LIGHT”.

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